I’m back at school again. Not looking forward to my Vector Calc class… but, everything else seems really interesting. Finally a semester full of pure engineering classes.
Came home after a work/paid camping trip and really wish I was back in the forest with no connection to the outside world again. Found out my family didn’t water the garden and my beautiful cucumbers died on the vine while I was gone.
And, my tuition bill is due tomorrow and I’m really stressed. And, school starts in 16 more days and this summer just didn’t feel like a break.
Really wish I had a chance to go camping for fun or a beach/road trip with friends like I had planned. Time, you are definitely not on my side.
Applied for 2 engineering internships. And, 4 retail jobs. Hoping to hear back from the engineering internships more than anything, but excited to maybe have a real job to help pay for my tuition next semester, as well have some play money for the summer. Wish me luck for call backs and interviews!
One assignment stands between me and free time for two days, but of course I can’t even bring myself to even look at it. Ugh. My lack of motivation on days when I have things to do is really awful.
My school’s marketing team always takes pictures of fashion around campus when its sunny and they picked me last week! I was kind of stoked because I was wearing my new glitter bone from (artrage.storenvy.com) and the X-files shirt my guy bought me.
Have had a weird weekend filled with productivity, but a lot of relaxing/procrastination too. It’s nice to get some rest and spend time with my guy. Despite all the good, my emotions are all wacky and can’t help but be nervous for my future, which has interfered with my weekend. I’m worried about finding a job with engineering after I get out of school, because my grades are not great and I can’t seem to do any better in college. I’m worried if I’ll be able to get out of my parent’s house when I get out of school, either independently or leaving Portland to find my luck in Chicago with my guy. Living in the now is easy to say, but harder to do. Especially with my anxiety and constant reminders of how much I can’t wait to get out of here. And, the “now” problems aren’t fun either - having a job that doesn’t even pay enough for gas to school or my cat’s food, how difficult studying engineering is, how I feel like I’ve lost all of my confidence that made me who I am in the midst of college and growing up, not having the time (partly due to having a curfew still) I’d like to spend with my love, etc. It’s rant, but things come out better here than they do from my mouth.
Can’t believe spring break is over already. Can this week just be over as fast as last week went by? So scared for my differential equations exam on thursday. Literally don’t know what the hell we’ve been learning the past few weeks.
“Statistics? yeah I took that in college too?”
“Statics? You mean statistics?”
“What the hell is that?”
Sometimes it seems like I’ll never succeed in college. I’m just so tired of my efforts being for nothing. The sad thing is I’ve been trying so hard this semester and I never come out ahead.
Such a long day. Started out bad with getting some sort of stomach flu at 4am and then being exhausted all day at school because my sleep was interrupted. School was hard… I’m beginning to hate strength of materials already and I wasn’t able to understand my differential equations hw. Had to work, teaching little kids how to weave. But, ended the day nicely watching ‘Girls’ with my guy. I’m too tired, have to wake up at 6:30 for my 8:10 class and feel like my stomach is sick again. Meh. Getting back into the college groove is hard.
What the fuck textbooks
You’re made of paper and ink
Not fucking diamonds.
Why the hell are textbooks so damn expensive…?!?! Even on a ‘budget’ of used books and international copies and using my mom’s powells discount, my books would total over $400! It would have been $1000 if I had just bought them from the school. I mean, college - please stop screwing me over. It sucks. I’m tired of being broke and tired of lackluster education in return.
I’m so tired. Coaching robotics for competition today was draining and I was not able to study at all. Have so much statics to cover… But, I’m exhausted. Dry friction, moments of inertia, and method of joints/sections and I’m done for tonight. Can’t wait for finals to be over!
Can’t wait for this week to be over. Actually, just can’t wait for this month to be over. I want to deal with finals week and be done with this semester. Hate the way this year in college started. Hope that whatever comes next is better than this.